I watched a special on Robert Redford a couple of weeks ago, and I can’t get it out of my head. He quoted the T.S. Eliot poem, “East Coker” when he talked about his personal vision statement, “For us there’s only the trying. The rest is not our business.”
It got my attention because I didn’t believe it for so long. I was a dyed-in-the-wool perfectionist: if what I did wasn’t perfect, I was a failure. This way of thinking leads to analysis paralysis. I would think of a goal and then walk in thought circles, trying to figure out how to perfect it. Then my anxiety would give me a migraine, and I would give up before the first step. I did this for years.
But in all those years, there was a longing in me to just try something new. It took the great equalizer of breast cancer to shake me up enough to try trying. The kicker about just trying is that you must release the need for a specific outcome or reward. This, my friends, is a little harder than quantum physics—especially for results-oriented, type A geeks like me.
It’s actually the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve raised three sassy girls who have all become kind, hard-working (still sassy) adult members of society.
This also happens to be the premise of the latest season of “The Good Place,” one of my favorite shows. What if ”the trying” is just being a good person, for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do?
That's how I raised three good people. Whenever they asked why I made them do the hard thing by taking responsibility for their actions or standing up for the kid who was being bullied, I would say, “We do it because we are the good guys—and good guys do the right thing, even when no one is watching.”
It’s the opposite of the victim mentality that I see in reality television and social media. Instead of thinking, “Why is this happening to meeeee?” and then blaming other people for your difficulties, you look around and try to make your world better, kinder, and more supportive of those people who are truly having a tough time, or at least a tougher time than you.
It’s an awareness that we are all in this thing called life together, and nobody’s getting out alive. We might as well create a better “here” while we’re in it. We won’t fix everything, but we can try, every day, to make things just a little better, to make our communities a little sunnier, just by our presence.
This is all well and good, and it sounds like it comes with a peppy soundtrack and backup singers. You start to be good, and then things just fall into place. Not even close.
When you begin actions for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do, the universe will start throwing obstacles in your way—guaranteed. This is where resilience comes in, and resilience is the whole reason I started Girl Power for Good.
The ability to meet challenges head-on while believing in our ability to prevail is the light at the end of the tunnel and the cherry on top of the sundae. What would you try if you weren’t concerned with the outcome?
XO
Terri
Tell me how “the trying” shows up in your life by sending me an Email or go HERE for life coaching❤️
