Although my M.B.S.R.* class ended on November 19th, the lessons continue. In our final session, the instructor said, “Attention is a commodity,” and my brain said “AHA!”
How many times have you told your kids, “Pay Attention!” or heard it from your parents? Usually, this admonishment means “pay attention to ME”, but any attention is precious. Even as an adult, our focus is a many-fractured thing. We have so many talking heads and screens vying for it, we’d best realize how precious a commodity it really is.
I noticed this at our family gathering on Thanksgiving. It was different this year because I was different. My awareness practice has afforded me a different perspective: all attention is not created equal.
If, for instance, I notice how much my children have grown and no longer really need me, that can make me feel sad and a little irrelevant. If, however, I absorb how they are independent, kind, funny, successful people, then I feel like a parenting hero– my 1991 intention to “raise good citizens” has magically come true!
And now what? How do I spend my attention now that my girls don’t really need it? I’ve decided to gather my awareness and use it for good. I’ve noticed a few things in this gathering: if I pay attention to things that are curated for me by algorithms, my brain feels itchy.
I feel worse in comparison to the bright, shiny lives online, because they don’t feel authentic. Life is messy, and I rarely see that on social media. I see tragedy, comedy, and cute animals doing adorable things, but I don’t see messy, boring, or tedious, you know, real life. So, I’ve stopped paying attention to social media, and no one has come to arrest me yet! Also, I feel calmer.
I’m choosing to spend my golden attention on my real-life friends (I have five that I see or talk to regularly), and the benefit is that I can be a better friend that way. I value their time and show up when needed. And the weirdest thing happens when I spend my gold wisely–I have more time. Paying attention keeps you in the moment, and that moment and its cousins seem to last longer when acknowledged.
When I spend my free time on writing, crafting, talking to my friends/family, and improving my health, it is invested in the place with the most growth potential- that’s just math, y’all!
XO
Terri
*Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction
