This week marks the first day of spring, and, for me, that means cleaning out a closet or four. As I drove away from the Bargain Box donation center, I felt light and free, offloading things that no longer matched Terri v.3/2025!
When we moved out of our Barbie Dreamhouse in 2015, I had just read the Marie Kondo book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. We gave away 18 years of things that no longer sparked joy.
Using that metric “Does this spark joy?“ is freeing, as it’s so balanced and non-judgmental. There’s no ill intent, no drama, just a clear-headed assessment of things that make you feel good or not so good.
No need for any explanation, just a simple yes or no.
Reading that book began a wave of lightening up by lovingly releasing things (and people) that no longer sparked joy for me. Turns out it’s just as transformative with relationships as it is with clothes that no longer fit.
Humans who spark joy for me have a few consistent qualities: 1)They are kind and and care about all kinds of people, 2) They have a slightly twisted sense of humor, 3) They appreciate my goofy weirdness and snorting laughter, and 4)They trust me and show themselves to be trustworthy in return.
So, if there are people like this in the world, why wouldn’t I make room for them by letting a placeholder go? Because that’s what acquaintances are, they hold a place for real friends.
They are a subtle drain on your resources without the attendant support needed to replenish that energy. And if they aren’t your true friend, the inverse is also true.
You are a placeholder for them, but they may not have the courage or the awareness to do anything about it.
Just like the pants, thank the placeholders for their time (not necessarily out loud) and then stop pursuing them. It’s not easy, but it doesn’t have to be a whole breakup thing. It can be as simple as not being available.
Since you’re not each other’s people, they won’t really mind. It will free them up to find their own people and create space for yours to find you—which is the win/win I feel whenever I hold myself to a higher standard of truth!
XO
Terri
