I am spent (said in a groovy Austin Power’s accent, please)! The phrase “I’m hounded by virtue” popped into my head, and that feels true. I’m scurrying around trying to please people and do the right thing without any clear evidence of success.

That’s how I felt this summer in a beautiful enclave of love, family and chaos. I upended my peaceful, yet kinda’ boring, Florida life to swoop in like Super Granny and help my daughter with the arrival of her third child. 

I envisioned myself taming the chaos with a serene smile and wicked dance moves, but that’s not how it turned out–the chaos won. If I wasn't actively entertaining grandkids or helping organize their detritus, then I felt like I should be doing more. No matter how much I was thanked, I felt inadequate.

Feeling hounded by virtue is a long-time habit for me, and right beneath the “hounded” is a deep fatigue and dissatisfaction at being dissatisfied. Witnessing my brand new grandbaby find her way into the world is a great privilege that I feel in my bones, and I’m ever so grateful to be asked! 

But my daughter did not ask me to swoop in, just to be nearby as an extra set of hands until they could adapt to their new normal. I was not asked to jettison my own self-care, thereby rendering my super-hero plan vulnerable to migraines. 

I have big energy to do big things, but I can’t keep watering other people’s flowers without first filling my own well. Without self-care, Super Granny went to hell in a hand basket—this term comes from the mid-1800s to describe a venture doomed to fail. I was curious, so I looked it up.

Maybe my natural curiosity is the way out of the “hounded by virtue” habit that leaves me waiting for someone else’s praise to feel valuable. Because I sure need a new groove!

My life-coach training taught me how to learn new habits–connect a small tweak to an existing one. I can enhance my daily journaling with a short list of self care ideas, small comforts to balance the doing. 

When I get that martyr acid-tummy, I can pivot to curiosity instead, “Why do I need this praise? What exactly was I asked to do, and how have I changed that to make me feel righteous?” And most importantly, “How can I turn that help inward to strengthen my self efficacy?” 

If I keep asking and answering these questions truthfully, I can trade my cape for simple kindness. I can allow each moment to develop naturally without yoking it to an epic quest, and I can turn righteous virtue into a simple act of love.

XO
Terri

When are you caught in the superhero trap? Email me and tell me all about it or go HERE for life coaching❤️