It’s January 1, 2014, hence, the perfect time to reflect upon my 2013. I just gathered all my 2013 journals together; my journals are the place where I write my morning pages. I wanted to have hard evidence at my elbow as I reflected back on the events of last year. When I stacked my journals, I noticed something significant. I had one journal for January through May-evidence that I wasn’t doing daily morning pages during those months-then one journal a month for every month thereafter, as I started making morning pages a daily part of my life after my 50th birthday. It is amazing how that one change has transformed my life!
Since I started doing regular morning pages, I have: gone to Africa, transformed my business, taken on a regular coaching gig with the Writer’s Circle-helping people establish a daily practice which helps them connect to their creative muse, finished my book, published my book, hired a team to help me spread the message of Girl Power for Good, accomplished crow pose, and mined my life for more joy than I could have ever imagined back in the days when I tried to buy contentment at Nordstrom.
Can I be sure that morning pages are the cause for all this transformative success? Nope. But it seems as if the action of putting my self-awareness first started a cosmic ball rolling. I have seen a direct correlation between the internal questioning and awareness raised by my morning pages and the change in my priorities. I could not facilitate change until I could make sense of where I was…and why.
Was this burgeoning awareness journey all puppies and rainbows? Hells, no! I had some very difficult (sure, let’s call them difficult) conversations with my family about how obsessed (let’s say, “single-minded”) I’ve been with my book and my Girl Power for Good mission, to the exclusion of everything else. Their words caused me to reflect on my actions, and that started a shame spiral. I am obsessive, and, in the past, I used obsessive focus as the “best” way to get things done. But that means I’m paving a path with a steamroller, and that’s not what I want to do anymore. I want to pick my way gently down my life’s path, so that I don’t damage the flora and fauna along the way. When I let the shame come, and then go, I could move forward to make amends with my family; conversations like that are where the parenting rubber meets the road…and we are all closer for having them.
So, I am starting again at Square One in 2014, with a more refined way of going forward, anchored in love and attached to my life through my pen and journal. I’m not certain this is the perfect way to reach my goals; then again, I’m not certain of much anymore (except the power of love), but this way feels right for me, right now. And that’s about as good as it gets. Instead of a New Year’s resolution, I’m making a promise to keep on writing and to keep moving forward gently and lovingly. Happy New Year, everyone, and may 2014 be the year you find a way to treat yourself with loving kindness, because you’re worth it!
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