We are a culture of busy worshipers. It doesn’t really matter what we’re doing, we think that we need to be frantic and rushing around to be productive. This is especially tempting when we are in Square 3 of the Change Cycle; it ain’t called The Hero’s Saga for nothin’, people! If you don’t know about the Change Cycle, go here for an explantion.
After you have dreamed up a course of action in Square 2, Square 3 is where you try it out. I say try, because you will probably try and fail… at least a couple of times. It’s daunting to try something and have it not work out, but it also puts you in touch with the best part of yourself–your Inner Amazon. She is a badass, but she’s also kind and funny. I’ve talked before about listening to your Inner Guide, the still quiet voice inside you that always has your best interest at heart. Your Inner Amazon is your Inner Guide’s big, sassy sister. I picture her as a combination of Beyoncé and Alicia Keys— strong and vibrant, with the battle cry, “You can DO this!”
Your Inner Amazon is a great sidekick in Square 3, because it can be unsettling to keep trying and failing. The movement of Square 3 is circular: you grieve the loss of your old expectations in Square 1, you dream up a new plan in Square 2, you try it out in Square 3, and it bombs. Then it’s back to Square 1.
Here’s how this showed up in my life recently. My middle child, who found the perfect apartment in May, lost the perfect apartment 6 months later. So, she’s been on the hunt for a new place (Square 1). She spent a couple of weeks with me on the phone and the Internet looking at new places that suited her (Square 2). Then she found one that was ideal, after traipsing around Chicago for days, and we both jumped through all the hoops to secure her spot and sign a lease (Square 3). Success! So everything is peachy, right? Wrong. Yesterday, she found out that the other three roommates dropped out! She was sure that she was now responsible for the lease herself (Square 3 failure, back to Square 1), so she called me for help.
Were we freaked out? Not really. Because we both know this is how the Change Cycle works. Worrying is just wasted effort in Square 3. I told her I could help. I did some research, contacted the landlord, and he let her out of the lease. Now she goes back into Square 2 again to dream up a new place to live. We stayed connected, because we know that change is a part of life and control is an illusion. Old Terri would have thrown up my hands and spent a lot of time worrying about where my baby will sleep! What if I can’t get out of the lease? What will I do? But my Inner Amazon said, “Come on, T, you got this! Contact the landlord, explain yourself, and have faith.”
It’s much easier to have faith when you have your Pride to call. Just like in Square 1, you need a friend (or Pride member) to remind you that, “All is well. All will be well. All manner of things will be well.” This is my mantra in Square 3. I say it to myself. I say it to my kids. And I have my Pride say it back to me. This mantra has worked with my clients, as they negotiated the Square 3 of divorce, cancer, and their last kid leaving for college. If you’re in Square 3 right now, take 3 deep breaths (coincidence? I think not!) No matter how bad things seem, you can call on your own Inner Amazon, and your supportive Pride, to remind you that You Can Do This!
Until next time, be kind to yourselves ☺
PS If you are in the depths of Square 3, without a Pride, I can help! Send me an e-mail an firstname.lastname@example.org to sign up for a free consultation. Go here for more information about Girl Power for Good coaching.