Caution! Involves lots of twists, turns, detours and massive construction zones ahead on this highway to parenting a high schooler or middle schooler. But you probably already knew that…
This August, I’m releasing the 6-week road map for navigating these switch backs all the way through the pre-teen and teen parenting years.
It’s time to trade in your parental learner’s permit, tighten your seatbelt and get ready for a bit of a wild ride. Whether you’re feeling gridlocked on the 404, stalled out on a country road in the middle of nowhere or like you’re flying around a tight turn without brakes, believe me, I get it.
My 4th daughter just had her sweet sixteen. Needless to say, I’ve been around this block of change a few times. I now navigate these kinds of big adjustments in our lives with a sense of purpose; I no longer need to panic and throw on my parental hazard lights!
If you’d like to have me in your passenger’s seat, helping you unpack the complicated relationships we have with our teen and pre-teen daughters (belting out 80’s songs along the way), then I invite you to join me for my 6-week, “Riding the Change Cycle Back to School” class.
Remember when Back to School meant just showing up with a couple of #2 pencils and a lunchbox? Today, starting middle school or high school is a different story, and it’s not a fairy tale! It’s often an odyssey filled with Fire Swamps and dragons, in the form of flat ironed Mean Girls who wield their Michel Kors’ purses like weapons.
Riding the Change Cycle with Your Teen & Pre-Teen Back to School
DATE: Aug 12-September 16, 2015
TIME: 60-minute coaching calls are each Wednesday at noon CT with email support in between calls.
I’ve got 6 fabulous weeks planned to make Change your be-yotch! This will be the crucial step you can take to go from worry to wellness with your teen and pre-teen.
This class is for you if your teen or pre-teen is going through any kind of change in her life, and you’re both a little (or a lot) anxious. Seeing as how our teens and pre-teens are changing at lightning speed before our eyes, if you’re reading this, I’m guessing that this class is exactly what you’ve been waiting for–and August 12th can’t get here soon enough.
The Change Cycle is just life coach speak for transition management. When we have a big transition in our lives, there are consistent steps that we all go through. This class will give you a blueprint on how to manage those steps in a way that works a whole lot better than going into lock down mode and trying to wrest control over the uncontrollable force of change.
Let’s say your teen is starting a new school; when going through a big change like that, it’s not helpful to freak out. Even if you don’t think you’re showing it, your teen will feel your stress. I remember the day my baby and I went to her high school orientation. As I killed the ignition, she started to cry, “Mom, I don’t want to go to high school! I don’t want to grow up!” It took me right back to my first day of boarding school, surrounded by sophisticated girls, all wearing the right clothes, and there was my little hayseed butt, quaking in my hopelessly lame shoes.
I didn’t want to do it either.
Then, just as quickly, I remembered that this was different, because my baby had me by her side. Together, we could find a way through the fire swamp. Together we could disarm the designer armored Mean Girls with a wry comment, supported by a healthy dose of “I don’t give a care what you think.” So, I patted her hand, and said, “Baby, we’ve got this!”
I’m not saying that changing schools isn’t a big deal, because it is. I’m just saying that you can choose a different reaction than freaking out. I will help you craft a path through the Fire Swamp, so that you and your teen will both be able to go to your happy place…together.
If change freaks you out, I have a virtual lounge chair and umbrella drink to help you relax.
Here’s what’s on the menu for each call:
The 4-stages of Change (and how they differ for moms and teens)
Change is change and, no matter what the transition is, there’s a specific pattern that we all go through when faced with change. Knowing the common elements of this natural cycle helps us to not freak out when confronted with a new challenge. But this blueprint for change looks different for teens and Moms, and we’ll learn the key elements of how we can support our girls without losing ourselves to stress. You will also be able to bring your teen into the conversation to see where SHE is in the Change Cycle, so you can make a plan together!
Why Change Can Feel so Scary, and What to do When Square One Sucks So Much!
In this week we’ll learn the trick to overcoming your fears about change and how to create calm and space in your life instead.
When your teen or pre-teen is faced with a new school and new friends, it’s freaking SCARY, hence my daughter’s parking lot anxiety. The old way of dressing or studying might not work anymore, so she has to let that old version of herself “die” in order to grow into her new self…this is as true for Moms as it is for girls. We don’t want to alienate our girls by doing things the old way; this creates distance. In Week Two, we’ll learn how to ditch the “old way” of how we were brought up and focus on what works instead. The new way may be counter-intuitive to what we think we’re “supposed to do”, and adapting to that creates a new and lasting bond with our daughters. Watch out, this week alone is hugely transformative!
How to Dream Up Your New Post-change Life in Square Two, in Order to Make It a Reality
Dreaming can be the best time you spend all day. Don’t you remember your mom telling you to stop day-dreaming and get to work? No offense, but she was dead wrong! You must dream a new life before you can make it a reality. This is where you try on a new you before becoming someone new. This is where your teen may try different clubs or friends before they find the ones that will support them in their new life. You can encourage this by asking yourself what kind of parent you want to be. And then look for support in being that new kind of parent by asking your friends, or finding some new ones. We cannot parent alone, and this is the place where you dream up a perfect support system for you and your daughter, using your built-in creativity to smooth the way.
Why Inspired Action is so Important, and How it is Very Different from just Spinning Your Wheels
When you feel like you want to take action on the dreams from Square Two, then you’re ready for Square Three action. When you try something new, there’s always a possibility of failure; this happens a lot in this phase of the change cycle. When your: new schedule, way to train your husband, or perfect new discipline plan doesn’t work out, then you can take specific steps to triage what didn’t work and move forward with what does. You may try a different way to connect with your daughter, and it ends in an eye roll. Instead of locking yourself in your room with a glass of Pinot and re-runs of Desperate Housewives, the lessons in this week will give you the tools to figure out what to do next so that guaranteed future eye rolls don’t send you spinning.
The Promised Land of Square Four is a Calm Place Where You and Your Pre-Teen/Teen Daughter are a United Force!
In Square Four, you have actually figured out a way to bond with your daughter. You both create a schedule for homework and extra-curriculars that works, and she has discovered that a study group works better than crying because she doesn’t understand AP Euro. You actually start to think you’ve got a handle on this teen thang. When you reach this phase, it’s tempting to think that you’ve got it all figured out and it’s smooth sailing from here on out. But remember, change is a cycle that we travel through many times over in our lives. In Week Five, I’ll teach you the key steps you’ll want to take to make the most of The Promised Land, so that you’re well prepared for the next change that’s, inevitably, right around the corner.
Wrap it Up and Use it Now
We will talk about how to integrate what we’ve learned–and unstick the stuck parts from the previous five weeks. We’ll make sure you have a clear roadmap for moving forward with your teen or pre-teen. You will bring your dooziest of questions, so that I can coach you live through different scenarios. The basic premise of mastering change is, “Just when you think you have it all figured out, everything changes–and that’s okay.” Even if it doesn’t feel okay now, I promise it will later. With the tools you learn in this class, you and your girl will be armed to march side by side, right through the Fire Swamp, because you are now a Change Master!
The cost for this six-week class is just $199
Have you signed up yet? Let’s get on it, shall we, because for just $199, I’ve got 6 fabulous weeks planned to make Change your be-yotch! This will be the crucial step you can take to go from worry to wellness with your teen and pre-teen.